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League News

2007/08 Season

   
  
The Tutter Trophy

TFKATH FINALLY!
In spite of--or perhaps because of--starting only a single player who began the season with the team, after 8 long years the Team Formerly Known As The Huskies have finally won a championship, beating the Medusas 94 to 70 in the Big Blue Bowl to capture the traditional Tutter Trophy.

It is not known whether the team will now return to its original name since redeeming itself with a championship, or will run away to Baghdad to help the downtrodden people of Iraq.
 
  
WELCOME TO THE BIG BLUE HOUSE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!

BIG BLUE BOWL VII
(League artist's depiction of the pitiful remaining players desperately scrounging for the Tutter Trophy which will take place in the Big Blue Bowl this weekend between tottering TFKATH and the maimed Medusas)
  
Commie Politburo Leader Surrenders to Commissioner Greenspan's Boss

Commies Surrender!
After losing two straight games, and having the Johnson's victory erased by instant replay, the Commies surrendered Friday. "We have had enought bloodshed. It is times to rejoin the community of teams rather than continue to oppose them," said a team spokesman. Da Svedanya.
  
The Angry Housewives Eating Bonbons are the best fans around according to Medusas team owner Lara Croft.

AHEB Best Fans
(Paradise Island) ERA – Overcoming some great struggles this season, the Medusas are thrilled to be playing in the Big Blue Bowl VII.
“As I stated at the press conference when I was first named head coach, the Medusas have learned to ‘Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.’ “ commented Head Coach Gunny at the Christmas Day Press Conference. “We have overcome allegations of cloning and conspiracy theories with the Clones. We adapted when our star female players were replaced with Martha Stewart designed robots. We improvised our play calling when it became obvious the Johnsons would use a time machine to alter the results of every game this season. I think we’ve shown we are worthy of our spot in the Championship game.”
After the split with Harry Potter just prior to the start of the season, Ms. Croft and her Medusas were not expected to play very well this year.
“We are thrilled to have this opportunity,” said Ms. Croft. “And I’d like to thank a great fan base for supporting us through a tumultuous season this year. Having fans like the Angry Housewives Eating Bonbons is icing on the cake. No matter how tough it got, these women were out in force cheering on the players and conducting their own secret investigations into wrongdoings by other coaches and the commissioner himself. The Packers have the Cheeseheads, Jimmy Buffett has the Parrotheads and we are proud to have the Angry Housewives.”
It looks to be an exciting game between TFKATH and the Medusas next week. Stay tuned for an exciting end to the strangest season the Big Blue House has seen yet.
  
A picture of some of the bounty hunters joining this hunt including Boba Fett and Dengar.

BOUNTY!
(A secret Rendezvous point some-were in the galaxy)- Master Yoda has issued that during the war, their main objective is to eliminate Al “ Kung Fu” Greenspan and gain total control of the Big Blue House. To start off, Yoda has put up a bulletin for the top bounty hunters in the galaxy. They include the following. Boba Fett, Buush, Dengar, and Calo Nord. Each of the previous are experts. If any-one else wants to join us in the hunt, contact us. “ If succeed, this mission does not, move to more brutal matters, we will.” was Yoda’s comment. “ I hope my son finishes Greenspan for good.” was Jango Fetts comment. This galaxy-wide bounty will give the participants a map of all the areas of the Big Blue House, a blaster, and a starship. Master Yoda said that he would tell the public when the bounty is over. Until then, stay tuned!
  
Coach Abrams

KMen Protect Freedom
KMen coach Stephanie Abrams takes her job very seriously. "We're here to protect the economic and political freedom of all people. We have another opportunity tomorrow to show the world the power of freeedom and the myth of Commie domination." Coach Abrams was forced to make a late roster move due to the injury to running back Ronnie Brown. The coach took a chance on often maligned back Ricky Williams. Said Abrams of her choice of running backs, "I'm giving this man a chance to redeem himself in front of the entire world. I honestly believe Ricky has the desire, and I know he has the talent to play. "

Said fellow team member, Jerome Bettis, "If anyone can keep Ricky on the right track, it's Coach Steph!"

"Win one for Freedom!!!" will be Coach Abrams rallying cry at the Friday night rally in Ketchuptown.
  
Jango Fett bombarding the Big Blue House Headquarters

WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(A Secret Rendezvous point some-were in the galaxy)- Breaking news!!!!!!!!!!!! After
all the stress the clo… I mean Jedi Knights have been through including losing in the
playoffs ( see previous article) a bit of luck has turned up for the clones. Special teams
manager Jango Fett has successfully bombed the headquarters of the Big Blue House.
“That will show them how I react when people don’t give me my money in time!” was
Jango Fett’s comment. In addition, General Grievous has been hired to assassinate The “
Permanent” League comis… I mean chairman. Full-scale invasion forces of jedi knights
are going to take over the Big Blue House. “ Fight, we must. Terror, upon us it is. Begun,
The Big Blue House war has.” commented Yoda. More reports will be given later so stay
tuned!
  
The Weasels’ coach Lombardi caught with munchkins on the practice field

NEW OFFENSE?
(Weasel Town AP) After an unbelievable upset by the 2-12 Weasels over the division winning 9-5 Commies the significance of one of the pictures our intrepid reporter took during her stealthy visit to the Weasel practice field on another story (See BAD RESULT). In that story it was revealed that the Weasels had finally been able to make enough apples for their offense. But that the apples had no effect, at least on most of the children on the offense. So, according to Thud Bear, the apples were no longer being given to the offense. However, after the remarkable performance by the Weasel offense (their reserves scored almost as many points as their team usually scores) one of the pictures taken last week became a little more interesting. It shows coach Lombardi with some munchkins. Who in some ways may be considered similar to dwarfs. Could it be that the Weasels have changed their offense to munchkins and started feeding then an apple a day. And that the munchkins have reacted to the apples in the same way the dwarfs did? That could explain the magical turn around in their offense. All calls the Weasel front office have gone unanswered. We will continue to pursue this investigation until we discover the truth.
  
A picture of of a patrol during the ambush that proves the fishheads cheated at the clones.

FISHHEADS CHEAT
(Dagobah swamp ) BREAKING NEWS ! It has just been revealed that the Fishheads cheated their last game at the Clones. As it turns out, the Fishheads hired Darth Sideos to make sure they beat the clones who had an 8 game winning streak. Darth Sideos used Order 66 and made all the clones attack their own players! And even worse, they helped the other team score. “ We demand a rematch against the fishheads or else…” said special teams manager Jango Fett who was so angry during the ambush, he burned down half the stadium with his flamethrower. “I can’t believe my own students would do this to us! It’s an outrage! And I’ve suffered enough stress already since the league commissioner hasn’t given me my money yet!” What will happen to us? Will we control the clones again? More reports will be given later so stay tuned!
  
The Weasels’ offensive players look at one of their own whose guts seem to have fallen out of his body

BAD RESULTS
(Weasel Town AP) Since the last interview with Thud Bear after the Wilson poisoning and his defense’s mediocre showing, there has been little heard from the Weasel front office. The Weasel defense has gotten back to its outstanding ways and appears to be bulked up again. With all the other goings-on in the league the protests about their bulk seems to have vanished. It may also have gone away because even though the Weasel defense has been outstanding their offense has been terrible. It would appear that the Weasels have stopped the theft of their apples and have continued to give them to their defensive players. The fact that their offense has been awful tends to indicate they have not been able to increase the apple output and give them to the offense. Recently there have been rumors that they had solved that problem and were beginning to give the apples to their offense. Our intrepid reporter managed to stealthily get into the Weasels’ offensive practice and took pictures which may answer the question. As shown above it would appear that something has caused the intestines of one of the offensive player to fall out on the playing field. One of the players was overheard to say, “Oh my God! They killed Kenny. You Bastards.” When confronted with this evidence, Thud Bear admitted that they had managed to produce enough apples to begin giving them to their offense. But it seems that the apples have a different effect on different beings. Instead of bulking up the children of the offense as it did with the dwarfs of the defense, it had very little effect on them. There was one exception. And he appeared to die of various causes weekly while on the apple program. Thud stated that the apple program had been discontinued for the offense for the rest of this season. Thud stated, “We have the off-season to iron out the problems. We’ll be back bigger then ever next season. Or once we have the problem solved we may use time travel to bulk up the offense this year and completely change our record – as the Johnsons have already done.” As a side note the editor wonders, ‘if multiple teams begin to use time travel to change their records the world could get to be a very confusing place.
  
Greenspan with "Special" Team Captains

Very Special Playoff
Commissioner Alan Greenspan today announced that in the interest of fairness and for the promotion of self-esteem among all the teams in the league, a 'Very Special' playoff was being created in which the League's 'differently abled' teams--the Johnsons and the Goonies--would face each other on the field rather than being sent home to watch the regular playoffs on television and go to bed early.
"The Johnsons kept demanding to be in the playoffs. Well now they are--so we don't have to address the complex conceptual difficulties involved in the trivial technicalities of time travel and ex post facto player recruitment," said Commissioner Greenspan. "And what's more, we''re not even going to keep score during this game . . . Everyone here in the Big Blue House is a winner."
"And we all get to eat some cake," added a very special Goonies' player with a big smile.
  
The Successful Scouts

UNDEFEATED!
(Johnson City) It's official.

The Johnsons are the first team in the history of the Big Blue House to remain undefeated through the entire regular season--setting a record for both power points and total points scored in the process, as well as giving their coach the #1 ranking.

However, the Johnsons didn't start the end of the regular season that way.

The Johnson's new scouts, Bill and Ted--taking advantage of a time machine given to them by their future guardian, Rufus--used aggressive ex post facto recruitment of a juggernaut of free agents on a week by week basis to recreate the season in their own team's favor--as well as receiving a B+ on their social studies report.

This means that Bill--or it could be Ted--will not be sent to military school, and can aid in the creation of a future utopia as a member of the rock band Wyld Stallyons.

"Dude! Majorly Rocking!" saidTed.

"Awesome! We Rule, Dude!" added Bill.

Lyndon Johnson, co-owner of the team, released this official statement: "Gnarly! This was one bodacious season!"

There was no comment from the League Commissioner's office.

  
Photograph Proving That the Johnsons Used Ringers in Week 13

Johnsons Use Ringers
In week 13, the Johnsons scored an upset victory over the Commies by scoring the highest point total of any team in league history....or did they? The Commies have now presented to Commissioner Greenspan solid evidence that the Johnsons used ringers to beat the Commies. "We have proof positive that the Johnsons did not start the players who were on their official roster the day of our game and we are appealing the league ruling that we lost that game," said Commie spokesperson Vlad Putin. "If I were those ringers, I would run and hide before they are poked in the leg with an unobtrusive and common looking umbrella," said Putin with a sly grin. The Johnsons spokesperson, Howard Johnson, said that he didn't know what the big deal was. "Well the team had reservations for that game, but had to cancel at the last minute due to a change of plans. We just started the folks who took the team's block of rooms on expedia.com. Is there a rule against that?" The league is expected to overturn the Johnsons' victory given the conclusive evidence that they cheated. That will put the Commies back into a tie with the Clones for first place. Stay tuned.
  
Economic Realities and Low Attendance Have Taken Their Toll on the Buffs This Year

Buff's Downsizing!
The Buff's recent name change was meant to cover up management's decision to downsize the team. "We hoped that by coming up with a new, goofy name, we could accomplish two things: energize our merchandise sales and cover up the fact that we've had to make some cuts," said spokesperson the Professor. Unfortunately for the Buffs, their poor performance combined with the fact that their stadium's location is a secret has lead to a dramatic drop in attendance. This, in turn, has sharply cut revenues needed to pay salaries and overhead. While sales of the new "Goonie Bird" t-shirts have been strong, particularly with the audubon society, they have not been strong enough to support the team for the remainder of the season. The only remaining question is how much the Buffs have had to downsize in order to avoid bankruptcy. Whether they will be able to field an entire team this week has yet to be seen. Stay tuned.
  
New high texh aircraft for the high flying Goonies

Buff's Retire!!!!
(AP Gilligan's Island Underground Command Post) The cellar dwelling Buff's have officially changed their name to the Retired Goonies! This change was made in response the overwhelming ability of the Commies and other teams in Cloning and hypnotizing players. The Goonies, still with HR Puffenstuff as GM, have gone back to the good old days. This move helps prevent any cloning and or high tech weapon from demoralizing the Goonies. HR said "we have gone back before it was the cold war and to a time when everything was black and white" Maybe with the Gooniebird we can stop the Commies before they really et started. However, when looking at the Goonies line-up for this week against the Commies it is noted that all of their best players have been given a 2 week "down-time". When asked about this, HR said "in the end we will have all the best players for the weekend and will end up with over 150 points and only our second win of the season, both against the dirty Commies". Stay tuned for more information, same bat time, same bad channel.
  
Photo of the Original Medusa Wives From the 1970's

Here We Go Again!
KGB research at the archives of the Big Blue House Hall of Fame (BBHHF) establish that the Medusa Wives have been here before. To be exact, the Medusa Wives won the Tutter Trophy in 1975 when they defeated the Skippers of Gilligan's Island, now known as the Buffs. "How is it that the same Medusa Wives can be playing in the league 30 years later and not look a day older?" asked an incredulous Dr. Joe. "Cloning! Not content to own just one team, we now have difinitive proof once again that the Clones have infiltrated another of the BBH teams." Whether the Clones lured the Medusa's in with targeted daytime advertising promising eternal youth or with testimonials on Oprah is not known. However, league officials vowed to investigate given the clear photographic proof that the Medusa Wives have been here before. Stay Tuned
  
The Medusas starters in the locker room just before gametime in week 11.

MEDUSA WIVES??
(Paradise Island) ERA – Lara Croft has managed to take her sabotaged players and turn them back into a winning team. In week eleven, the Medusas suffered an embarrassing loss to TFKATH, a game they were in need of winning. With the standing in the Gonzo Division tied, the Medusas were looking for a big win. Sadly, all the female players seemed absent from the field. They were spotted in the stands handing out appetizers and mixing martinis for all the male fans. A small group of them were found in the locker room quite busy making pinecone wreaths for the Holidays and exchanging stuffing recipes.
Ms. Croft, Isis and Wonder Woman hired Mystery Inc. to investigate. Precisely two clues, several Scooby Snacks and a mastermind stripped of his mask the truth was discovered. The anonymous security guy in the Red Jacket is actually Mike Wellington, the Mayor of a small town called Stepford. Mr. Wellington was paid to replace all the Medusa players with robots programmed to be perfect 1950’s wives. He seems to have ties to every team in the league except the Clones. There is speculation that, tired of having a bunch of girls beat them at their own game, the other players, owners and coaches planned to eliminate the Medusas from post season play.
Upon finding out here players were robots; Ms. Croft hired an unknown computer expert by the name of Steve Job to reprogram them to be “kickin’ football players”. It seems her plan worked. The Medusas didn’t even break a sweat in their defeat of the Weasels in week 12.
“And the stadium just sparkled,” one fan observed. “I never knew a football stadium could smell so good.”
This reporter believes there is more to this scandal than has been revealed so far. Watch these pages closely as more information is uncovered.
  
Johnson's New Scouts Bill and Ted

BIG JOHNSON WIN!
For the first time since the team was brought into the League, the Johnsons have actually won a game.
"And not just won, but won handily," gloated team co-owner Lyndon Johnson. "With the high score for the week!"
Much has been made of the new scouts hired by the team to identify free agent talent, Bill and Ted--also known as the Wyld Stallyons--and there have been some questions about the legitimacy of their methods in signing new players.
"Woah, Dude, we just, you know, like hop into the old time machine and woop boop wap, we can pick up players we already know are going to put up big scores!" said Ted.
"Bodacious!" added Bill. "ROCK ON, DUDE!"
"This will guarantee that we never lose another game," smirked Co-owner Don Johnson. "In fact, we're thinking of replaying all or our previous games going back to 2003. I have space on my mantel for as many Tutter trophies as will fit!"
"And why stop there?" added Lyndon. "We think we might actually be able to win every game ever played in the history of football . . . beat that, Uncle Joe!"
The Chairman is currently investigating the legality of time travel, and will make an anouncement when he has mastered past future present perfect tense.
  
Popular Communist Dictator Dr. Joe Stalin Speaks Out Against Dr. Phil's Selfishness and Preaches "Sharing."

Dr. Joe Speaks Out
"Dr. Phil is all about selfishness and about 'me.' How many points did 'my' team score? What free agents can 'I' get to make 'my' team better than anyone elses? self-absorbed thinking must stop," said jovial communist dictator Dr. Joe on his popular AM radio show Monday morning. "It is Dr. Phil and those like him who truly hypnotize the masses into thinking life is all about them and their wants." Dr. Joe when on to explain to his listeners that they should be more altruistic and really focus their attention on what is best for the Commies and for Dr. Joe himself. "Repeat after me: 'from each according to his abilities, to the Commies according to my, I mean our needs.' Just look at Dr. Phil, does he really need any more money or fast food? I think not based on his waistline!" Popular radio hosts Dr. Laura and Rush Limbaugh were asked to comment on debate between Dr. Phil and Dr. Joe, but were unable or unwilling to do so for reasons having something to do with naked photos and pharmacy records in the possession of the Commies. Stay Tuned.
  
BUFF expert brought in to stop the mnd games of the dirty Commies

Trance Stopped!!
(Gilligan's Island Underground Command Post) The BBH has been saved by the ever vigilant BUFFs. The attempted mind games enacted by the dirty Commies was stopped by a BUFF secret weapon. This weapon had been under development for many years and was kept secret and only released to deter the Commies aggression. It has been revealed that the famous and extremely knowledgeable Dr “nuke um” Phil has been on the Buffs payroll for more than 10 seasons. It was assumed that he was there to give the players and coaches “pep” talks before and after the games. But, he has been really been working and tracking the possible mind games that the rotten dirty Commies have been pursuing. Nuke um has stated that he has the possibility of a second wave of “talk shows topics and hosts” available to help stop the invasion. Please send all tribute and good players to the Buffs for a “debriefing” and they will be returned ASAP and in “good” condition. For more information on debriefing please call 1-900-iam-yurs. *only $3.99 a minute.
  
Look deep into my eyes. You are getting sleepy, very, very sleepy.

Look In My Eyes....
You are getting very, very sleepy. Your mind is growing numb as you look deep into my eyes. From each accoding to his abilities, to each according to his need. From each accoding to his abilities, to each according to his need. From each accoding to his abilities, to each according to his need. From each accoding to his abilities, to each according to his need. You will now do what I tell you. When you open the BBH web page, you will immediately drop all of your good players and select free agents who have no points this season. You will then set your line-up to start these new free agents and will adjust your line-up as needed until the "guru" projects that you will score no points at all. In addition, you will write articles on a weekly basis praising me and the Commies and will laugh uncontrollably whenever you read a story posted by the Commies. Now, when you reach the end of this story, and I count to three, you will awaken feeling refreshed and will not remember this little episode. One, two, three.
  
Buff Massive Armada on the ground with the Commie produced weather in the background

BUFF's Grounded!!
(Gilligan’s Underground Command Post) It has appeared that the BUFF’s were double grounded in week 11. Two mysterious events happened to insure that the BUFF’s lineup and ability to play were short circuited. First a Mysterious Weather pattern emerged near the island in the form of a super-hurri-poon which has been called Betty-Wilma lucky number 13. This storm has stopped all inbound and outbound transportation from the secret military facility. It is unknown whether the alert status of the BUFF’s has been degraded and we should know later tonight. In the second and more severe problem was the possible corruption of the BUFF’s command and control message system by another team. This system is designed to insure the correct players are on alert for the upcoming game. Currently all but 1 player in the Buff’s line-up is on unscheduled rest and relaxation period. Two other players where found “sunning” themselves on the beach and immediately placed in the line-up, however this still leaves the line-up short-manned. Intelligence believes the team most likely to have caused the miss-communication was the KMEN since we are playing them this week. However, digging deep into the message traffic we have uncovered cloning and the name “Wilson” mentioned. We believe that our arch-rivals the COMMIES are behind our lack of players. We have no reason to understand why they would want the KMEN to win, but we have the proof of the dirty COMMIE hi-jinks and we will appeal to the Chairman for a reset of our players for week 11.
  
Dirty Old Man on the Moon

Rally in Ketchuptown
On Friday night there was a huge rally in Ketchuptown to show support for their beloved KMen.

Coach Stephanie Abrams spoke at the rally (Dirty Old Man was out of town, touring the moon). She rallied support for her team," We're going to shoot down the Buffs like an SA-20 on a sunny afternoon !! We have the Commies in our sites. Everyone knows that a house without political or economic freedom is a house of cards and the Commies house of cards will colapse just like the Soviet Union."

The crowd went wild and ketchup flowed freely.

  
Che Greenspan Seizes Power in the Big Blue House and Paints It Red!

Commie--ssioner!
After three full days of non-stop testimony on the perfection of the tie game and the need for equality and parity in the league, Commissioner Greenspan was reported to have had an epiphany. "From each according to his abilities; to each according to his needs!" With that statement, Commissioner Greenspan abandoned free market ideals and embraced the need for Commie domination of the league. "Only with one dominant, tyrannical team, can true equality be imposed upon the masses," said Greenspan in a rare lapse into clarity. "Hence forth, all points will be given to the Commies for redistribution according to the Comie's central plan as it is administered by me. Requests for points must be made in writing with a detailed explanation of each team's need and the use to which they intend to put the points." Greenspan denied that his decision was influenced by the luxury dacha given to him by the Commies owner Vlad Putin or numerous shots of vodka given to him by team spokeman Joe Stalin. Stay tuned.
  
Chairman Greenspan Explains

Parity Explanation
I will attempt in as many words to explain the creation of parity in the League through the equitable distribution of points on a game by game basis.

As owners and coaches, the future is your business. I have been invited to serve as your Chairman and as a historian of mathematics and economics, I take it that it is my task is to show you some of the problems and possibly even solutions our ancestors faced in the pre-electronic world and how those relate to the solutions I have implemented over the past weekend. I shall start with diagrams.

There are perhaps two poles to mathematical work in the realm of football equity maintenance: organising the material and thinking it through is one. Those moments when you need pen and paper and have to calculate is the other. When mathematicians and economists communicate with football coaches, there is transmission and reception. Having ideas, developing ideas, communicating ideas, and the role of notation in those processes is the background to the stories I shall tell today which in no way actually relate to the decisions made in order to promote ties between every team in the League this week. Reception first.

Sometimes the mere words are enough. In the winter of 1944-45 Laurent Schwartz was in continual contact with Henri Cartan and talking to him about Fourier transforms and field goals. One day in April 1945 he suddenly realised that many of his difficulties would disappear if he thought of his new generalised functions not as operators but as functionals (which he called distributions). He immediately told Cartan, and, said Schwartz in an interview, Cartan responded with a very French "Ah!" meaning "Of course. Why had I not thought of touchdowns as abstract notations before?" Very often, a mathematician hears of a good result and thinks ‘How can I prove that for myself?’. They did not know the result, but now they hear it they try to fit it into what they know, the stories they tell themselves. In some cases, reading through the details of the proof is a last resort, it may even be a mark of a failure to understand. Sometimes, of course, when straying outside the football field, it can be enough to quote the result, but I’m interested in the case when reading is involved. Then of course there is exposition: with this model of reception in mind, most football statisticians try to provide an acceptable mixture of the game in words and the technical details.

It can be a lot of work where the game of football is concerned. Two recent wide receivers who co-authored a book on 4-manifolds and interceptions reported that they began with a wonderful set of research notes by L. on the work of D. "These notes," they said, "provided a superb structure for the procedure of applying moduli space techniques to 4-manifolds around the twenty yardline" but on changing the group from SU(2) to SO(3) and to incorporate the work of Peyton Manning, their aim "turned into an enormous task owing to the extra-ordinary amount of mathematics encompassed in the material and the lack of exposition of the details. Much of the material in L.’s account needed elaboration for the non-expert - sometimes a whole chapter. The difficulty was compounded by the differences in presentation and notation in the original sources required for references. Our embarrassment was somewhat alleviated on finding that respected colleagues and coaches and referees had the same difficulty." More generally, there are always stories of subject areas that languish because adequate security for the results is not provided, and others that are vigorously kept up to the mark.

It was Poincaré’s opinion that a good football theorem organises ideas around the fifty yard line and enables us to think purposefully about the game. But there are times when a proof teaches you more than just the truth of the theorem, and illuminates more than the result itself. In many, perhaps most cases, symbolic work is necessary for understanding touchdowns, because it is how we marshal our arguments. The distinction between valid calculation and comprehension is a valid one, but the two activities are deeply symbiotic in the aspect of football parity.

If I now casually refer to the points, say, D, E, H, K you might well spend quite some time finding them. In fact, diagrams are the end result of a dynamic process, that might begin with a simple figure, then make a series of constructions, and then (when paper was a scarce resource) be put to further use. I suspect that most mathematicians who work with figures draw their own when reading a paper. Many diagrams in editions of Euclid--who was a superb football coach himself--are added by the modern editor. But a Greek mathematician not only built up a diagram as an argument proceeded, he or she knew of curves that were generated by motions, so the whole diagram was latent with motion which would be considered incomplete if the throwing arm did not fully carry through. The diagram, like the proof and the Statue of Liberty play, is something that unrolls over time.

I shall come back to the topic of diagrams and their use in creating complete equity between League teams, but I turn to the problems of communication using print first. Printing is a technology. It depends for its success on a number of easily reproducible things: for example, printing several pages at once so that binding can be done (preferably automatically). This has implications if diagrams are to be incorporated into the text, and often they were produced separately and bound together at the end of the volume, as was the case with 19th Century journals. It is highly undesirable if new pieces of type must be created, and perhaps impossible, so symbols must become standardised. Matters of layout, such as font size, sub- and superscripts are not flexible in the way handwriting is. In order to have your book printed, with all the advantages that brings for distribution, you must submit your work to a number of technical constraints. All of these are flexible up to a point, the necessary softener being money. The author or editor of a luxury edition may expect to have more of the resources of printing available than the writer of a work aimed at the mass market.

We now have our cast of characters: the mathematician as creator or discoverer, as communicator, as receiver, as coach, as referee, as quarterback - these are people with sophisticated ways of assembling and re-assembling ideas. Then there is the medium: print, in its geometrical and algebraic variants. I shall make two cautionary rules, one about algebra and the idea of equations, one about logic which may more succinctly clarify the matter of equity..

One of the more chilling stories I know is the little dialogue between Jacques Hadamard and the young André-Weil about the Vikings-Chiefs Superbowl. Weil skipped a point in an argument saying that it was obvious. As a community, therefore mathematicians provide lots of details because it is morally necessary, and there are people out there who insist on the details. Hadamard obviously replied that either it was so obvious it could be explained in a line, in which case say the line, or it was not obvious and needed to be explained. Lesser mortals allow themselves some indulgence, I suspect.

I hope I have made myself clear in this regard.
 
  
Top secret picture taken by Clones agent

MEDUSAS CHEAT CLONES
(Kimino, Topica City ) IIt has just been revealed by a captured fleet that the Medusas are cloning and in the past have mad a dark clone that is a cross between Yoda and Dobby and is known as Darth Yobby! Jango Fett and an elite group of Advanced Recon Commando (ARC) have been sent to assassinate Darth Yobby and find the plans to their secret weapon! “Once this is done, nothing, not even the best team in the league would be able to stop us. Until then, we just have a hollocron, a comlink, and a hope that Jango will succeed on this mission,” said Mace Windu. Will Jango succeed on this mission?! Or will the clones last hope of recovering the secret weapon plans fail? More reports will be given later so stay tuned!
  
Jango showing the clones how to do advanced combat moves in the Clone's training center

JANGO REVEALED
(Kimino, Topica City ) Yoda has just revealed that professional bounty hunter
Jango Fett DOES , in-fact, own a big part of the Clones and has total control over their
cloning facility. His genetic code is used to create the clone army and is an extremely
skilled teacher in all forms of combat. “Proves great in all combat fields, he does.” was
yoda’s only quote on the matter. But something else may change history about this
bounty hunter. The league commissioner and owners of the BBC owe Jango HUGE sums
of money. To be precise, 8.2 billion credits for carrying out assassin missions and
expanding the league security. These missions will be kept secret until the league owners
rip their hair out and start trying to sue the clones and try to ovoid paying these sums. But
be forewarned! Jango will assassinate ANYONE standing in his way of getting these
sums! More reports will be given later, so stay tuned!
 
  
Dirty Old Man finally reveals himself

KMen say Enough!
Both KMen owner Dirty Old Man, Head Coach Stephanie Abrams, and Assistant Coach Lane Stone have said enough is enough!! In a news conference Friday afternoon, Dirty Old Man showed reevealing photos from the infamous boat ride, revealing that the participants weren't actually Kmen, but imposters...
  
Count Auditor arrived at Commissioner Greenspans office yesterday to personally deliver the IRS audit notice.

IRS AUDITING BBH
BBH League HQ (www.treas.gov) - Word of cloning allegations has led the IRS to investigate potential tax fraud in the Big Blue House. IRS Agent Count Auditor has been doing extensive research into all the prior tax returns filed by every player, coach, owner, and league commissioner since the...
  
Half Naked KMEN Shown Here After Their Arrest

KMEN ARRESTED
Pittsburg was stunned this afternoon when reports surfaced that many of the KMEN players had been arrested after a raucous and scandalous charter boat trip. According to Pittsburg 57, the local police, the charter boat operator complained to them shortly after the trip began. "We were really...
  
Satellite Photo of Secret KMEN Cloning Facility Proves Commies Allegations.

KMEN CLONED!!!
In advance of their match-up this week, the Commies' KGB security division announced that the KMEN had been cloned. "Satellite images taken of the KMEN's super secret facitlity in downtown pittsburg fully support the KGB's allegations and prove the full extent of the Clones infiltration into other...
  
Carson Palmer in Uniform

Reds' Secret Weapon
(TFKATH Press) After the capture of Princess Leia and the annihilation of the Medusas this week, it appears the Commies--under their mysterious sith leader, Darth Stalin--are on an unstoppable path to the championship and possession of the Tutter Trophy for the second time in 4 years. Just...
  
Darth Stalin holds Medusa running back Princess Leia captive.

LEIA CAPTURED
(Paradise Island) ERA - A secret plot by the Commies ended the Medusas' hopes of winning their game in week 9. Darth Stalin captured key players, including Princess Leia (a leading running back for the team.) Leia and several other players were on their way to the planet Alderon to deliver the...
  
Padme Amidala & Anakin Skywalker during their secert meeting in the Medusas lockerroom.

POTTER CROFT PLOT
(Azkaban Prison) – Lara Croft, owner of the Medusas, and Harry Potter, owner of the Clones, are still partners. Special investigative reporting techniques have uncovered a plot by Croft and Potter to improve their odds of making it to the Tutter Bowl. Rita Skeeter, special correspondent for the...
  
Seen Here are the Mysterious Members of Team TFKATH at Practice

TEAM TFKATH REVEALED
(co-written by Ben Crawford of the TFKATH Daily Bugle) At last the secret has been revealed! Team TFKATH is in fact a roving band of highly - trained penguin SEALs. No wonder they are #1 in the power poll! PS-They are NOT cloned-these are the Manning brothers!
  
The Big Blue House Rover made by the Professor

Repeat
(Gilligan's Island Hideaway) It has come to the Buffs attention that a simultaneous news story was posted yesterday. The Buffs believing in the rights all free people have re-posted the dirty Commies story. We have not modified the story in any way and have left in the Commies highly...
  
Newest High Tech Weapon employed by Buffs to stun all opposing teams

STUNNED!!!!!!
(Gilligan's Island AP) The long heard rumor about a new weapon designed for the Buff's has been proven true. It has been leaked that the Professor and Mary-Ann produced this remarkable vehicle in between re-takes for the "Professor is not impotent show". The show is to air in replacement of the...
  
The Big Blue House Rover

No Life On Site!
Scientists announced Tuesday that there is no life at the Big Blue House Fantasy Football web site. Their conclusion is the result of days of exploration conducted by the Big Blue House Rover (BBHR) and its large array of high tech wiz bang gizmos. "While it would have been nice to find large...
  
Gruesome Photo Shows Wilson Being Mauled By Satan, A Black Lab Linked To The Clones

Wilson Dead!
"We are deeply saddened to report that Coach Wilson is dead," said a somber Joe Stalin at Red Roof Square Stadium this morning. "As you know, Coach Wilson had been taken into protective custody by the KGB stadium security force when it was discovered that he was a Clone. Somehow, Wilson escaped from custody, encountered a large black lab named Satan and was promptly slobbered and mauled in front of a photojournalist who just happened to be standing there. Further details will be released as they are discovered." Unnamed sources from the KGB claim that Satan is actually a Clone himself. However, the Clones are adamant that they do not Satan, although they admit they may have seen him around and may have thrown a frisbee to him once or twice just to get him to go away. Stay Tuned.
  
The Wilson Family DNA Is All Identical According To KGB Physicians Who Succesfully Performed Bodyectomies On Mr. And Mrs. Wilson Last Week

Wilson A Clone!
Up to this point, the Commies have been focused on their mortal enemy, the Weasels. The Commies have since learned that the real threat to their league domination has been the Clones all along. This was discovered during the recent bodyectomy operations performed by Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr on both...
  
The Sorcerer starting his apprentice on his new job

‘THE TEAM’ STOPPED
(Weasel Town AP) ‘The Team’ has been stopped at last. After many weeks of having this horde continually tromping through Weasel Town it all came to an end. It was announced that The Sorcerer would stop the circular march at 5 PM Wednesday. Without explanation as to why, everyone was warned to...
  
Sleepy, Grumpy and Sneezy as candidly photographed in the Weasel weight room showing their lack of bulk

Un-Bulked ???
(Weasel Town AP) Since the apple poisoning of Commie coach Wilson and his wife and the poor showing of the Weasel defense in this week’s game, our investigative reporters have been attempting go get the straight word on what is going on. Our photographer managed to get a candid shot of three of...
  
Dirty Old Man?

KMen Disgusted
Both the KMen Coach Stephanie Abrams and owner "Dirty Old Man" were disgusted wtih the scoring of the Kmen's Sunday loss to Medusa. Said Abrams,"We sign a great young receiver and he runs back a punt for touchdown but do we get any points? Noooo, this is insane. The kicking game is just as...
  
Mrs. Wilson shown here just minutes before being taken by ambulance to Voit Memorial Hospital

Here We Go Again!
Tragedy struck the Commies again on Sunday afternoon when Mrs. Wilson was fed a tainted Weasel apple on the sidelines of their game against the Fishheads. Mrs. Wilson was apparantly fed the tainted apple by a shadowy group led by a wicked witch: "She was old, had long grey hair, a crooked, beak...
  
The missing magic hat after it was blown up by Professor Szalinski’s shrinking machine.

HAT FOUND
(Weasel Town AP) Weasel owner Thud Bear again called upon the scientific expertise of Professor Wayne Szalinski to solve the problem of how to find the missing magic hat needed to stop the Weasels’ special team. You may remember that Professor Szalinski was used by Thud to solve the Hindenburg...
  
Commie Coach Wilson Screams in Agony After Eating a Weasel Apple on the Sidelines of Red Roof Square Stadium During Friday Practice

Applegate!
In a disturbing new development, Commie head coach Wilson was taken to the emergency room on Friday after he ate an apple from a sideline fruit basket. "He suddenly started screaming, grabbed his head and then sprouted a body with arms and legs and everything," said a stunned onlooker. Further...
  
Happy, Dopey, and Grumpy stop a Nicksters’ running back for a loss in last week’s win. And, in fact, Dopey stripped the ball and Bashful recovered for the Weasels

#1 DEFENSE
(Weasel Town AP) With the investigation into performance enhancing drugs sidetracked by the search for communists in the BBL, the Weasel Defense is still eating their ‘apple a day’ and tearing up offenses. In their second win of the season the Weasels defense dominated the Nicksters’ offense and...
  
Wonder Woman uses her feminine wiles to get the truth out of Batman.

Jedi Jed a Patsy!
(Paradise Island) ERA – Medusa Offensive Coordinator, Wonder Woman, has uncovered the true culprit behind the Point Fixing Scandal now tarnishing the name of the Big Blue House. Wonder Woman posed as Jedi Jed’s Personal Assistant, Diana. She noted an unusual number of appointments made by one...
  
Jedi Jed Being Led Away From the Big Blue Courthouse

POINT-FIXING SCANDAL
An investigation into the basement-dwelling Buffs suspicious 819 to -2939 blowout of the Commies last weekend pinpointed League Commissioner Jedi Jed as the culprit in a wide spread point-fixing scheme which may eventually incriminate other prominent coaches, players, and cartoon characters as well....
  
New KMen Assistant Coach

Peace Comes to KMen
After last nights come from behind win, KMen head coach Stephanie Abrams said it was great to back on the sidelines again after covering another hurricane. Coach Abrams had been absent from the KMen sideline the last two weeks while covering hurricane Rita in Texas. In her absence, Dirty Old...
  
New Assistant Coaches, the Sputnik Family, Shown Next to the Commies Headquarters

Commies Under Par!
In an unbelievable demonstration of athleticism, the Commies took a commanding lead against the Buffs this weekend with a 2,950 under par. Their incredible performance is the direct result of hiring the famed Sputnik Family as assistand coaches for this very important game. Over the objections of...
  
The New Johnson Players in Action

JOHNSONS' NEW TEAM!
Team Johnson has once again made a complete overhaul of it's team, with not a single player remaining from the original squad still on the roster. "When we first decided to switch the team from Ex-presidents to cartoon characters," said co-owner Don Johnson, "we thought seriously about retaining...
  
Hidden deep in Gilligan's Island Hideaway

HAT FOUND??????
(Gilligan’s Island Hideaway) It has been leaked from an unknown source that deep inside Gilligan’s Island the fabled Hat and S Apprentice have been found. The place known has SAC, short for Stopping All Commies, is supposedly a secret complex designed to watch and stop all communist activities...
  
Edward R. Murrow as the new voice of the Commies on CBS

Ratings Wars!
In a bold move, CBS announced today that it had signed legendary sportscaster Edward R. Murrow to be the new voice of the Commies on its Sunday morning pre- and post-game shows. CBS's move comes in response to Fox Sport's hiring of Senator Joe McCarthy for its "Meet the Weasels" program, ABC's...
  
The new Weasels special teams coach with head coach Lombardi in the coach’s office. (Inset is the missing hat)

MISSING HAT
(Weasel Town AP) Weasel coach Lombardi held a news conference in his office today to make several announcements. The 1st was the hiring of a new special teams coach, The Sorcerer. It seems that the old special teams coach, S. Apprentice, was a fraud. He was not Mr. S. Apprentice but one Mr. M...
  
Americans Awoke Monday Morning to Learn That the Commies Had Defeated the American Presidents and That Were Now Under Communist Rule

Commies Win Cold War
In probably the most unlikely and incredible comeback in political and sports history, the Commies came back from sure defeat to trounce the American Presidents and win what had been dubbed "Cold War II." Despite the Presidents' confidence in their "MAD" defense, the Commies went deep in the final...
  
Doc, Happy, Bashful and Dopey (hidden behind runner) stop a Medusas running back for a loss in last week’s game

WEASEL DEFENSE SHINE
(Weasel Town AP) Since the investigation into alleged performance enhancing drug use by the Weasel defensive front 7 was suspended, they have continued to play and done very well. In fact they are currently ranked as the number 3 defense in the BBL and are in the top 3 in the league in all...
  
Senator McCarthy Denies Charges That He Is Nothing More Than a Puppet of the Weasel's

McCarthy A Dummy!
Commies' head coach Wilson accused Senator McCarthy of being an "air headed dummy" on Wednesday after reading news reports that he, McCarthy, was accusing everyone of being a Commie. "Only the elite can be called a 'Commie'. Only those selected and drafted by myself, *, Joe Stalin or the BBH...
  
Before & after shots of the Weasels defensive captain, Doc, and Ms. Queen testifying before the McCarthy sub-committee

QUEEN TESTIFIES
(Weasel Town AP) After multiple protests and much media hype the Big Blue league commissioner finally formed a sub-committee to investigate the alleged violation of the rules governing performance-enhancing drugs. Joseph McCarthy, an obscure judge from Wisconsin, was named to head the sub-...
  
Medussa's wide reciever scoring her third touchdown of the game against the Weasels.

Doped Dwarves?
(Paradise Island) ERA - After a disappointing loss in week 2, the Medusa's turned things around this week against the Weasels. Concerned about the performance enhancing drugs being taken by the Defensive Dwarves of the Weasels, Goach Gunny Highway required all the girls to do extra Jazzersize...
  
Construction of the "Great Wall" envisioned by the ghost of Mao has already begun

Great Wall Built!
Despite an embarassing loss to the TFKATH this week, the Commies are already looking forward to their key matchup against the Weasels in week 7. "It came to me in a dream," said head coack Wilson. "The ghost of Papa Mao came to me and told me to build an enormous wall, a Great Wall to stop the...
  
The Weasels special team as it passes the intersection of 1st and Main in Weasel Town (Note the ball carrier at the far right)

‘THE TEAM’ MARCHES
(Weasel Town AP) Two weeks have passed since the Weasel special team began its march through the city. Since the tank debacle (see “TANKS FAIL” story that got bumped off the front page earlier), things have settled into a strange sort of normalcy. ‘The Team’ has established a circular route...
  
The Weasels’ weight and conditioning trainer in her laboratory

Alchemy?
Weasel Town AP) “An apple a day...” That seems to be the Weasels’ answer to the question of how their defensive front managed to bulk up so well and so fast. The apple may have some added nutrients but nothing that is banded. It seems that Ms. Queen dabbles in alchemy. She claims that while...
  
Chinese Tabloid Reveals that the Ghost of Mao Smiles Down on the Commies Loyal Fans

Papa Oh Mao Mao!
In a stunning announcement today, Chinese Tabloid, "The Peoples Republic Enquirer" revealed that the ghost of Chairman Mao has returned to earth to root on his beloved Commies in what is expected to be one of their most difficult games this season. "Honarbe Papa Mao, return now here ghost root...
  
Top three Buff Players laid to rest afterthe Slayers and Clones finished their assult

Johnsons Beat Buffs
(Gilligan’s Island Hideaway) In a new twist on fate the Buffs have become the Johnson’s. The GM, HR Pufenstuff said that all the signs have been pointing the wrong direction. In both games we were forecast to win by 18, in both games we lost by 8 points and scored exactly 83 in each game. The...
  
Former Johnsons in Four Man Rush

EX-PRESIDENTS!
In a desperate attempt to pump up flagging attendance and perhaps win some games this season, the management of the Johnsons have announced a significant change in the makeup of the team: every player for the next game against the K-Men will be a former President of the United States. "Yes, we...
  
Chairman Mao's Widow Jiang Qing Gives Wilson Advise on the Sidelines of Monday Nights Grand Victory

Mao's Widow Spotted
The Commies Head Coach Wilson engineered a masterful comeback against the Nicksters on Monday night with the help of Chairman Mao's widow Jiang Qing. Initial reports had it that Payton Manning was giving Wilson advice on the sidelines, but upon further review of game videotape, intelligence...
  
Manning Shows His Stuff in Front of a Milling Crowd of About 12 at TFKATH Lego Stadium

WEEKEND ACTION PHOTO
Peyton Manning once again demonstrated why he is the dominant quarterback in the League with a stunning 122 passing yards, no rushing yards, no touchdowns, and one interception. Other teams in the League stated that they had no intention of going easy on the veteran simply because he is a 105 year...
  
The Wilson Family Shown Roughhousing Here at a Family Reunion

Wilson Hires Assist.
Commie Head Coach Wilson admitted this week that the team's loss to the KMEN was entirely his fault. Despite assurances from efficiency expert * and a pep talk from motivational speaker Tony Robbins, Wilson simply could not coach his team alone. With the blessing of * and the team owners, Wilson...
  
National Guard tanks engage the Weasel’s special teams at the intersection of Maple and 10th in Weasel Town

TANKS FAIL
(Weasel Town AP) The continuing story of the Weasel’s special teams keeps getting more and more bazaar. Although ‘The Team’ appears to have settled into its circular path and therefore done all the damage it will it still is disrupting the day-to-day activities of Weasel Town. A hue and cry has...
  
Publicity photo of the Weasels’ new defensive front after working with the new weight and conditioning trainer for a short while.

Bulked up Defense
(Weasel Town AP) A publicity photo released by the Weasels’ PR team seems to have caused more of a stir than anticipated. The photo shows the new defensive front 7 of the Weasels in their weight room. Since the announcement of the new defensive unit most observers have had misgivings about its...
  
KMen Cheerleader

KMen Cheerleaders!!!
While the fans in Ketchuptown were still delirious over the KMen's victory in their opening game (they went 6 weeks before winning a game last year) owner, only known as Dirty Old Man, hired cheerleaders for the sidelines. The cheerleaders outfits were quite revealing. Dirty Old Man was quoted...
  
Lego land transmiter working perfectly on the humongous AT-TE.

PHONY CLOAK
[Clone training camp]-BREAKING NEWS! It has been proved that the cloaking device rumor is phony. Captain Panaka, security captain, commented, ”neither device could have worked, the Lego land transmitter would have made it to small to cloak, and even then we also had Lego land transmitters.” It has...
  
The simple weapon used by Buff's this weekend

Confused??
(Gilligan's Island Hideaway) It has been released that the Buff's did not realize the full training requirement to run Poogle’s secret weapon. When used correctly both QB and Defense score massive points to dominate any team. This week however the Buff's QB Culpepper was found to be sunbathing...
  
The path of the Weasels special teams as it passed though Weasel Town

Special Team Rampage
(Weasel Town AP) As reported in an earlier story the Weasel’s special teams were last seen heading down Main Street with their coach in hot pursuit. There was nothing that seemed to slow them down. Anything that got in the way was merely knocked down as they continued moving forward. Above is...
  
The supposed cloaking device being installed by little green men

CLOAKED????
(Gilligan’s Island Hideaway) It has been rumored by other teams (we have proof it was the Commies) that the entire Buff’s military has been put to shambles by the elite group of ARC. This rumors is totally false according to Sid and Marty Croft intelligence agency. The agency went on to explain...
  
The New TFKATH Team in Training

TFKATH TURNABOUT
In an astounding reversal of strategy, the Halliburton owners of team TFKATH have decided to use drunken college students rather than professional football players during the 2005-2006 Big Blue House Season. "We had had enough of trying to get tax breaks through losing seasons," said Head Coach...
  
Elite air team cleaning the ground of troops.

RESCUE
[Clones training camp]- It has just been revealed that the Clones have sent an elite rescue team to Gilligan’s Island to rescue Poggle from the underground command post. Elite groups of ARC [Advanced Recon Commando] have already bombed the training camp. Thousands of millions of elite rescue...
  
Kendra, Faith and Buffy just after intercepting the Bugaloos.

SLAYERS STOP BUGALOO
(Paradise Island) ERA - It was previously reported that the Buffs had kidnapped the Clones newest coach, Poggle. Speculation is that Mr. Pufenstuf was actually planning to kidnap Ms. Croft, owner of The Medusas. This reporter has uncovered the whole story. In an attempt to cripple the...
  
The elite search and rescue squad of the Buff's

WEAPON STOLEN!!!!
(Gilligan’s Island AP) It has just been confirmed that the Buff’s have once again used military tactics to cripple an opposing team. It has been learned that Poggle’s has been rescued from the Clones camp. In a daring nighttime raid lead by the elite rescue Bugaloo’s team they overwhelmed the...
  
New Head Coach Wilson

Commies Hire Wilson
With the assistance of efficiency expert *, the Commies succesfully hired their new head coash Wilson on Wednesday, just one day before the season opener. Wilson has a long and distinguished career in sports having been born into the Wilson sporting empire. However, it has yet to be seen if he...
  
The Weasel’s new special teams coach with his team during a recent practice session

Weasels New Special
(Weasel Town AP) The Weasels called another news conference to announce the hiring of a new special teams coach, S Apprentice. As with all the new coaches he has no experience with coaching football. He introduced his new special teams players. They all seemed to look alike and were very skinny...
  
Poggle at the Clones meating at the spire.

SECRET PLOT
[Geonosis, spire.]- Today master Yoda has announced to the republic the creation of a ‘secret weapon.’ The weapon will be used against teams for sure victory. But Yoda says the idea came from an old geonosian called Poggle. “Poggle’s whereabouts are unknown other then the fact that he’s old...
  
Efficiency Expert * Plans Commies Comeback

* Hired by Commies
The Moderate Former Ex-Commies hired noted efficiency expert * to help them get back to their winning ways, announced Joe Lenin. "We hired * to help us out and boy was it an eye opener. He explained in very simple to terms that we had to get back to 'basics.' We think he is right." For that...
  
Coaches Lombardi & Disney with defensive captain Doc and new weight and conditioning coach W. Queen

New Weight Trainer
(Weasel Town AP) The Weasels have announced another change to the coaching staff. They have hired a new weight and conditioning trainer, W. Queen. She seems to have no background in sports weight training or conditioning. There are rumors that she has had some interaction with the new defensive...
  
The Mirror Universe Kidnappers

KEEPERS UNKEPT!
In a plot straight from a bad science fiction television show, every keeper from every team in the league disappeared just moments before the 2005 draft. In hindsight, it has become apparent that evil doppelgangers from a mirror universe known as the Big Blue Empire had been jealously watching...
  
New KMen Head Coach

Shocker KMen Coach
Just before draft time, the KMen announced their new owner and head coach. The new owner chose to remain annonomous. However, Weather Channel meteorologist Stephanie Abrams was introduced as the new head coach. Miss Abrams is an honor graduate of both Florida and Florida State Universities...
  
Yoda practicing combat in training camp.

RUMORS CONFIRMED
[Kamino, Topica City, Cloning facility] – Breaking news!!! To confirm every one’s suspicions master yoda has informed this information gathering is true. But the files were corrupted and still need more attempts. The partnership began when yoda was thrown on the streets; yoda nursed a deep grudge...
  
The Weasel’s new defensive line and linebackers with new defensive coordinator

Weasels New Front 7
(Weasel Town AP) At still another news conference the Weasels have announced they have hired a new defensive front coach. Mr. W. Disney has been brought in to handle the defensive line and the linebackers. The Weasels seem to be going back to their former ways of hiring coaches. The new hire...
  
Pat Robertson says that the Commies will, once again, be number one once he completes his search for a new head coach

GM Robertson
"If ever there was an American legend who could find a true Communist to coach this team, it is Pat Robertson," said an enthusiastic Joe Lenin on Wednesday when the Commies announced the hiring of Mr. Robertson as its new General Manager. "I am eager to assist the Commies find the soul of their...
  
The new Special Teams players for the Medusa's in the locker room.

Medusa Special Team
Paradise Island (ERA) – The Medusas’ head coach, Gunnery Sergeant Highway, has announced a new line-up on his special teams. Although the Medusa roster is composed almost entirely of female players, Highway convinced team owner Laura Croft and general manager Isis that this skilled group of men...
  
Droopy taking control of the Buffs, he has an iron first says former player Wolfie shown here being directed by Droopy in a game last year.

Droopy Takes Reins
(Gilligan’s Island AP) In a shocker, H.R. Puffenstuff announced that head coach Yoda had been fired for undisclosed reasons. It is rumored that Yoda might have also been on the paycheck of the Clones, a rumor not denied by Yoda or the Clones. With the cartoon team of the Buffs in disarray after...
  
The Weasel’s new running back is shown showboating during a recent practice session

Weasels New RB
Weasel Town AP) At another news conference the Weasels have announced a trade with the Moderate Ex-Commies. The trade is similar to their quarterback trade in that their current wide receiver is at the end of his contract The Ex-Commies were in a similar situation and the trade was made....
  
The Weasel’s new offense and offensive coordinator Coach McElroy. The wide receiver and tight end were not available for the picture

Weasels New Offense
Weasel Town AP) At a news conference the Weasels have announced that not only have they acquired a new quarterback, they have also replaced their whole offensive team and have a new offensive coordinator. None of the new members of the Weasels appear to have any past football experience. This...
  
An elite squad from the Buffs after succesfully taking over other teams during the hostile takovers

Plot Uncovered
BREAKING NEWS: It has just been discovered that the Buffs under new leadership have taken over 3 other teams in the Big Blue House. The teams were the NoThereNow, WeBeGone, and OuttaHere. All players, cheerleaders and staff personnel are being herded, we mean comfortably sent to special training...
  


WEASELS NEW QB
(Weasel Town AP) Weasel owner Thud Bear held a news conference today to announce the fact that the specifics of a quarterback trade had been finalized. The trade will allow the Weasel’s to continue using their dominant passing offense. League rules require teams to sign players to no more than...
  
Coach Jackson

Jackson Steps Down
Due to the current controversy over the use of clones, KMen coach Andrew Jackson has decided to step down as KMen coach and pursue the British near New Orleans. KMen owner Teresa Heinz -Kerry could not be reached for comment and rumors are now swirling that the team may be on the auction block...
  
Lara Croft in a strategy meeting with new General Manager, Isis, and new Head Coach Gunny Highway.

DEMENTORS DIVIDED
Paradise Island (ERA) – Lara Croft and Harry Potter have parted ways. In a stunning announcement, it was revealed that Harry Potter has purchased the remaining share of the Dementors from Lara Croft for an unspecified amount (500 galleons, 57 sickles and a knut). Ms. Croft subsequently purchased...